We are a quarter of the way through our journey together, only 30 more days to go!  One month from now I will be in one of my favorite places with some of my favorite people.  I cannot wait!

My dad loved me like crazy.  I want you to remember that when you read what is below.  I was his only daughter.  He called me his “angel face sweet dumplings of mine” long after I thought it was cute.  My dad and I had a tough relationship for a lot of reasons, but the one thing that kept us at odds with each other is we were actually too much alike.  I never doubted his love, but he was one person in the world that knew how to push my buttons like no other, but he was also my dad.  I loved him.  I wanted him to think the world of me, but I also wanted to be in charge and make my own choices.  I wanted him to understand that I was growing up and I was interested in things outside of our house.  I wanted him to know it was really hard to be in our house sometimes, but we didn’t talk like that.  We loved each other.  I know he did his best, but I know we could have both done better.

My dad’s words had so much power, especially when I was young.  I’m going to share two things he said to me growing up.  One did not create a desired path for me and the other had a tremendous outcome, but made my dad so angry.

The first happened in 7th or 8th grade.  I don’t remember what time of year it was, but I was struggling in Math.  I had to work so hard to understand what was going on.  Story problems were my enemy.  I studied really hard for a test and my goal was just to pass.  When I got the test back I was thrilled that I got an 85%.  I came home so proud that I had done better than passing.  My dad’s response was, “So we are just aiming for 85 now.”  I was crushed.  My best did not feel good enough for him.  It was that day, in that moment, I became a perfectionist and solidified my road to being a people pleaser.  One moment.  One sentence and the direction of my life changed.

The second happened throughout junior high and high school.  It wasn’t a specific moment, it was all the time.  I was a Diet Coke drinking young lady, but it made me burp all of the time.  I was polite about it, but I could keep up with any belching boy.  This always made my dad so angry.  He wanted a proper young lady, but he got me.  He would tell me all the time, “No guy is going to marry a burping girl.”  I believed a mate was out there that would tolerate or embrace my belching.  Kevin came over for dinner one night while we were dating and a tremendous burp came out.  My dad’s eyes could have burned a hole in my head, but Kevin said, “Nice one,” and we high-fived across the table.  My dad as so mad he had to leave the table!

I tell you these two stories to remind you of the power of words.  Words are so powerful, but the word of a parent carries so much weight.  There are nights I hit the pillow, heavy with things I have said to my boys and I pray that I get another chance to make it right the next day.

It is also a reminder to let these things go. (I’m not talking about abuse or neglect.  Those things need to be worked through and taken seriously.)  My parents were just people too.  They didn’t know what they were doing, just like we have know idea what we are doing.  The best we can do is take things one day at a time, take a deep breath, slow down and try to do better the next day.

My dad clearly did not know the power of his words all the time.  I know he would not have wished all the trouble and heartache being a recovering perfectionist/people pleaser would cause for me.  He also had no idea that his distain for my belching would cement my relationship with Kevin and create a life I could not have dreamed of having.